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Maybe I had gone too far. He hadn't wanted to cut his hair. Now I felt like I'd bullied him. I didn't want to lose him, I genuinely cared for him and the fact that I'd transformed him so much meant a lot to me - he was the closest I would ever get to holding Damien in my arms again. As the time ticked by, I thought back to the man I'd loved and lost and I cried for him all over again. I thought the worst of the pain had gone, but I was wrong. I knew in my heart I would always ache for him. It was then I took out my mobile and reached for his number. I'd never erased it from my phone. I knew if I called it I would hear his voicemail and the recorded message he left on it. I'd thought about calling it many, many times since his death but I hadn't done so because it would have been too painful. Now I needed to hear his voice. Tears ran down my face as I dialled the number."This is Damien."The recording said, "I'm not here, so leave a message.." It was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever. ”“My darling,” Nicky asserted. “You were faithful. You were committed. Remember that.”She paused then continued, “I didn’t understand why you were so destroyed by what happened – why you remained obstinately faithful until you saw her with that Price bloke. Commitment is the backbone of your life, isn’t it? You commit to the clients you have; you commit to Gordon and all the staff; you commit to your friends; most of all you commit to your children and to Sally.”“Not any more, Nicky,” I replied. “The commitment with Sally is broken. It has gone. I’m committed to you now.”“Please, Caleb,” she stiffened as she said it. “Don’t say that yet. I’m not like you, my love. Yes, I’m committed to you for now, in that there is no one else, nor will there be without me telling you first, but it’s open ended. There’s too much unfinished business here, too much baggage in our relationship, loving though it is. You understand that, don’t you?”“Well, yes,” I replied, “I’ve been saying over and over,.
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